…Dealing with some shit.
I know it’s been a while. I’m sorry you guys. Some great stuff has happened since my last post (SIX MONTHS AGO!!!).
And some not great stuff has happened to all of us.
First: the good stuff. I got a new job. That happened back in September. I started the interview process in July (right after my last post. I guess that is what kept me from writing, at least initially). I now work for an awesome organization. I work with wonderful people. We have a great mission: engaging with young people and helping them get involved in politics and civics. Be the People. Do something. Give a shit.
I am no longer in a toxic work environment. I no longer work 10-12 hours a day with little support, where everything is my fault, and I can never do enough. I’m out. I can’t believe I lasted so long.
Despite being in a better work environment, I’m still dealing with a lot of anxiety. I wonder why? Maybe because I got to witness this country poorly handle racism and sexism and homophobia and transphobia and Islamophobia and xenophobia. I’ve seen dick heads justify sexual assault, violence, hatred, and more. And I got to witness our least qualified presidential candidate win an election in, what I feel, was a knee jerk reaction to marginalized people having more access, having a voice, due to social media and smartphones.
Sure, it’s more complicated than that. Jobs are scarce. Wages suck. The world is…not doing great (are any of us?).
But, ultimately, fear won. Racism won. Sexism won. Hatred won.
Before the election, I felt lots of anxiety. After the election, I felt lots more. I don’t have an eloquent way of expressing it. It was hard. It was difficult to understand it. It was difficult to know what to do about it. It was difficult to do anything at all.
Now it’s January First. It’s a New Year. There are Possibilities involved with that. There is Hope.
I know many people don’t like New Year’s Resolutions. Well, fuck them. Thanks for being a bummer.
If you don’t like resolutions, that’s fine. Don’t do them. And shut up about it please.
I like resolutions. I’ve been doing them for a while now. A couple of years ago: eat more vegetables. Great job, Yvonne. You’ve been eating more veggies since!
Another year: get better at folding laundry. Well, I have. I now, almost always, fold the laundry within 24 hours of taking it out of the dryer. ::high five::
Almost every hear: read more. Last year I read 30 books. The year before: 14. The year before: 16. It’s been rocky, but not too bad. This year: read more than 30.
So, I will work on a new set of resolutions. I plan to include in them writing more (weekly my lovelies!). I plan to keep reading. And I plan to work: on fighting racism and hatred and fear. I plan to keep working on my self: on my anxiety and depression, on my physical and mental health. And I plan to keep working at this new organization. With these new amazing people. With amazing young people. To educate. To engage. To do something. To fuck shit up.